Opting out of the race

Whatever you're doing, it's so easy to fall into the "not doing as well as other people" trap.

When I worked in digital content for a charity, there were the people who were "sector leaders" at my level, blogging and working for the most progressive charities and being invited to speak at conferences or setting up networking events.

When I was a mum, there were the mums who looked like they were always loving it, or had nice hair and make-up, or whose babies slept through the night, or who were also launching a company on the side or who had 200k followers on social media.

Now as a "freelance mum" there are people who look like they are doing more, or getting there faster. Mostly I feel happy to see others' success - I honestly do, probably because I follow a lot of really great women who deserve it - but of course there are days when other people's wins only shines a light on what I perceive I should be doing, or should have achieved, "by now".

I can feel triggered by people having their own podcast (or being asked to speak on someone else's), or 4 kids that always look happy, people with book deals, with corporate clients or coaching programmes, people posting about sold out events, about lush-looking holidays or kitchens or jumpsuits, about launch parties, people with Great Ideas I Wish I'd Thought Of. (This is usually a sign that I need to get off social media.)

The idea that we should be doing something or have achieved something "by now", or ever, is fairly arbitrary. Actually, other people are pretty much nothing to do with us - unless they are a useful reference point to where we might like to be, or not to be.

When you're parenting time is limited, progress can feel deadly slow. We love our kids but it can feel like progress towards an ambition is temporarily frozen. If you don't have kids, it still sometimes feels like you should be doing more, better, faster.

Having goals is great if we remember that it can take a long time to get there, and that progress won't be linear but will jag all over the place, or it won't look like progress, it will look like mess until sometimes it becomes apparent that, during all that time doing something else, doing what may feel like "not a lot", something is rising below the surface.

Not knowing what our dreams are is ok too. We can be open to whatever presents itself. It will, in time, present itself.

I saw this on Instagram, ironically the prime place to make you feel inadequate - "resist the urge to keep up". Maybe I'll get it as a tattoo.

Sometimes we can choose to get off the rollercoaster. Come back to you and how you're feeling and what you need, with patience, with understanding of how irrelevant other people's lives are to your version of happiness.

Like all my notes, this is a note to self too. You're good as you are. As you were and as you will be.