Finding your feet/truth

Does writing a list of pros and cons help you to do something? Does it help you to feel something?

It know it can help set out options more clearly. But recently I’ve found it often fails to give me clarity in terms of a way forward. I stare at the list afterwards and am none the wiser for what course of action to take.

Maybe it’s because objective reasons on paper can feel cold and far from what you deeply feel about something. And maybe because some things really are complicated and nuanced.

If your pros work out about the same as your cons, what do you do? What if you feel one way one day and then completely different the next, or when the weather changes, or when you talk to one particular person ? Lists rarely cut out the noise of other people’s opinions, advice or the voice of doubt in your head.

I sometimes feel like the world’s most indecisive person, and previously I have pushed and pushed for answers, willing that feeling when you just know, and when you know right now. I have resented my own ambivalence so many times.

But I don’t anymore. I feel like I some answers only come by watching and waiting (sometimes for ages and ages). Decisiveness is valued in our culture, in leadership, in the workplace, but more and more I try and understand that it’s valid, even smart to say “I’m not sure right now. I need to think about it.”

Finding your feet is going with your gut, even if going with your gut is doing nothing and intuitively embracing your uncertainty. Doing that has helped me learn to give less fucks about other people's opinions. It can just take a while to get back to knowing what your gut is saying.

Sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action and at other times, I have to go go go. Other people's caution or criticism still gives me pause, but if I allow that feeling to settle sometimes my fear and doubt lifts and I, at least, know what I feel. That's a lot more clarity than I used to have.